YWAM DTS Kona
DTS in Kona, HI was one of the best experiences of my life. I spent two and a half months in Hawaii learning about God’s character, His love for us, and how to live in a world that is not perfect. My time in Hawaii was called “lecture phase;” though this time was considered a school, it definitely did not come with the anxiety and stress that normal school can come with. Each week we had someone new come to teach our class for the week, and I learned so much more in two and a half months than I could have ever imagined. This school also brought a lot of clarity to questions I had been asking myself for years.
One question I had thought about but hadn’t found an answer yet was: What was the purpose of God creating us in the first place? Am I just a guinea pig walking through this weird maze called life? The answer was actually right in front of me the whole time but I refused to look at it. That answer was love. Crazy, right? God created me to love me, He created me because He wanted something to love. His love had always been the answer but I wouldn’t look at it because I didn’t truly love myself.
I was met by God’s love during lecture phase and I have been met by His love each and every day since then. At first, I couldn’t grasp the idea of God loving me because I was so caught up in guilt and shame for who I was and the sin I had committed. I was prideful, a hypocrite, stuck in a cycle of lust and I could not fathom why God would ever view me as worthy. I lived the life of a pharisee, trying to do all the “good christian things” and win my own salvation when in reality I was pushing myself into more pride and anxiety. I was pushing myself deeper into sin and keeping myself in this cycle of not being good enough. BUT GOD. God showed me I was worthy, He showed me I was loved, He showed me I was made new, He showed me I was righteous, He showed me I was pure, and He showed me all of this by His son. It is only by what Jesus did on the cross that I could ever be saved and all that I had to do was say yes and believe in Him. When I said yes to God, I said no to any lie the enemy was trying to tell me about who I am. When I realized that my identity was found in Jesus, I found how much He loved me. As I sought out God’s character, through scripture, I was able to see clearly how many lies from the enemy I had believed about God and about myself.
The biggest lie I believed, but didn’t realize I was believing, was that my sin was greater than what Jesus did on the cross. Every Time I felt shame or guilt about what I had done I was basically telling Jesus that what He did, the pain he went through, wasn’t enough to cover my sin. I thought my sin was greater than God. NOT TRUE! While I had this mindset I hadn’t yet understood what the statement “Fear the Lord” actually meant. Fearing God means being in awe of Him and understanding His power and His greatness. God has all power and all right to do anything He wants and what He chose to do was save me. He chose to humbly come as a man on this earth and take the punishment I deserved. Why? Because He loves me… because He loves you. He did the same for you. He gave me my identity and it breaks His heart whenever I believe any lie the enemy tries to tell me. God created us in his likeness and He views us as a masterpiece and when we believe anything differently it breaks God’s heart.
We can see how this breaks God’s heart in Genesis 3. Genesis 3 is the fall of man when Adam and Eve sinned against God by disobeying God and eating the forbidden fruit. When they sinned it caused them to forget God’s truth and over-analyze themselves. They saw that they were naked and when they found this new insecurity they hid from God. When God entered the garden and asked Adam where He was, Adam said “We’re hiding because we’re naked.” Then God said “Who told you that? Who told you you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree which I told you not to?” This is a powerful phrase in itself “Who told you that?” God noticed that His creation saw something in themselves that they thought was bad. God saw that His creations didn’t fully love themselves. HIS CREATION. It broke God’s heart because He created us and He views us as Good. All we have to do to see our true identity is look at the one who created us. Trust me, He has the answers, we just have to be willing to find them and step out of the pit we have put ourselves into. We need to choose to stop looking at ourselves and look at God. I can say this confidently because this is what the Lord has taught and shown me over the past 6 months, and this mindset has completely transformed my life.
I now get to walk in a new confidence because my confidence isn’t in myself but in the Lord. I get to bring this testimony of God’s love to a broken world because this is a love that mends brokenness and is everlasting. I get to live a life of love and I won’t stop chasing the One who is Love.
My time in Kona was so much more than just a school in Hawaii, my time in Kona was my first stepping stone into sharing this love I found with the whole world. God’s love is something I will never be able to fully understand but I commit the rest of my life to seeking out His love daily and chasing Him through all the highs and lows of life.
Thank you for supporting me on this journey. I cannot say thank you enough because through your prayers, donations, and encouraging words I was able to meet God in such a unique way that I could have never imagined before. I am so grateful for all the people God has put in my life to bring me to where I am now and your support has not gone unnoticed. I thank God for you.
